An Update on….

Work:

Tomorrow is the last day before my 10 day break. We’ve stayed late and worked harder in the last month than I’ve seen since I’ve been at this show. Production is unpredictable, unforgiving and addicting. I think I hate it until I’m not doing it… I miss it when I’m away. Everyone says you’re supposed to love what you do. I can’t say I love every day of what I do but I can say that I think it’s right for me on most days. Plus, it’s always good to get a glimpse of a favorite seventh grade crush (Shaq) and a never-favorite well known porn star (Mr. Jeremy himself). Where else would I get that opportunity?

Family:

I recently got a letter in the mail from Grandma Woodard (Mom’s Mom). We don’t talk too often so it was a pretty big surprise for me. She says she has “beautiful” pictures she needs to send before she dies and wants to verify my address. Death is probably further off than she makes it seem but I know the tendencies that run in her blood and let her say what she wants me to believe. I sent her photographs of Michael, Lisa, the babies and my father and I and she sent some oldie’s back that I’ve never seen. On that back, my mother has written quirky little notes and descriptions about her children like “Jackie playing the dress-me-before-I-can-undress-myself game” and “My son- playing in the fireplace as usual”. It was a treat.. and so were the memories that came flooding in when I saw these two pictures.

Me and the only other person that knows life the way I’ve known it to be as a child. My brother, a huge part of my heart and my favorite snow-man making partner in the whole world. <br><br>

(to be continued….)

:(

Ooops…

Thanksgiving Escape…

So, maybe it’s not exactly a cruise or a casino and late-night shows-

but, it’s not bitter cold wind and I can’t see the NBC building from it…

So, I think it’s safe to call it a vacation. The day before Thanksgiving, we’ll fly out to Los Angeles and hitch a long ride out to the dunes in Glamis, California. R.V.’s and bikes and sand rails… people I don’t know and Thanksgiving dinner around a fire. (and I couldn’t be more excited…)

The Things I Have…

There’s work without joy and a ring that decides my fate – where every conversation holds a weighing reminder that this is what it means to be 24.

Mirrors in every room and awkward fitting jeans- the choice between credit and debit, my right to vote, to care or not to care, to read or to sing, to learn or to play, to leave or to stay.

E-mail notifications about what bill is next and how much is due and a toothache with only preventive dental insurance…

so we have our worries and we have our debts and consequences and heavy bags of responsibility…

but then we’ve got a text that says, “I love you” and songs from the most beautiful little girl in the world..

Baby fingers wrapped around tired hands, my hands in his pockets and a walk through a city that, even on the grayest of days, glows to the rooftops.

A brother with unending loyalty and a father who’s proud even in the times our differences show the most.

The most important things are the things I still have…

and I’m so grateful.

The Best Pick

This is why I love the fall so much…

Home-Chaser

Quiet and deserving – he sits close to me, though I’m a stranger, and tells me how he’ll move around the world- collecting stories and thoughts. He says he hasn’t found home and I know what he means so I tell him we should go and I’ve got nothing behind me. Untrue, but sometimes we say the things we want to mean just to see what it feels like. Unanchored, he says he can leave tomorrow, and I can’t tell the difference between envy and love.

So now I’ve got a bag of secrets and a bag of plans and, this time, when he says he’s ready – I mean it when I say the same.

Maybe dream-chasing is for the thoughtless, but default home-making is for the lazy.

Magic eraser? not so magical…

So, I’m sure everyone with a dirty bathroom and dirty kids has tried Mr. Clean’s Magic Eraser. I think it may be the greatest bathroom cleaning tool I’ve ever found.. (and I’m totally okay with it being a little more expensive if it means my arm doesn’t burn in pain from scrubbing the tub for 20 minutes).

Yesterday, I dyed my hair back to my almost-black and had some left over color on my neck … as usual. I saw the sponge sitting there and figured it’d probably do the trick. The dye wiped right off- no scrubbing at all. Amazing right? I’m a genius. I got to my neck and pushed a bit more because, ummm, there was more dye on my neck. I think it only took about five minutes before my skin was lit in red and burning like I’d just dropped my three-pronged curling iron on myself and pressed it there for a couple seconds. Ouch.

I got to work and typed “Magic Eraser burns” into google, and apparently, I’m not the only person who thought using this stuff on skin was a great idea. You can barely, barely see any red at all on my neck- but I can feel the burn like it just happened. I can’t even imagine how the poor kid in the other picture must feel…

Here’s what Wikipedia had to say…
“The open cell foam is not only microporous, but its polymeric substance is also extremely hard, meaning that it works like sandpaper but on a smaller scale, getting into tiny grooves and pits in the subject being cleaned.“

Although my pain isn’t visible, rest assured- every link I clicked mentioned the burn getting continually worse in the next couple of days…

Sunday fun-day

Nothing Makes me Happier…

…than knowing I have the weekend off. Two days straight of sleeping in, walking slowly, avoiding the CTA and not checking the time on my cell phone every 10 minutes when I’m out so I don’t overdo it.

I’m thrilled.

If I had the opportunity to plan ahead (and an endless supply of dinero) I would’ve planned a trip as far away from the city as possible…
but, since time is of the essence (and I’m desperately trying to change how and where I spend my money)
I’ve done a little research and have to decided I’d just view the city from a different angle (as in not from the 4th floor of the NBC building) and rent a canoe.
Who knew Chicago would have it’s own canoe and kayak launch within walking distance of my apartment.

Great company and the promise of great weather leaves me with no excuses to be the moody me until Monday.

I think I may even try leaving my cell phone at home and wiping my face clean of Saturday night eyes just to get the full escape-the-city effect. Mini vacation- here I come!

Come Spring

“Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.”

We find ourselves in a place where cynicism meets quietly with self defense- and there’s more comfort in recalling the pain of an ending than the promise of recurring love. When anger is used as fuel I hold close the certainty it will burn out in time while hope leads only to disappointment.

With arms bending alongside a soft heart, I know I’ve become a home to the uncertain- the half-willing, half-hearted words that permeate my forgetful guard.

Grass, though perennial, is ever-changing and the guarantee of it’s return will never make my winter’s any less cold.