Almost Back

It started with Florida…

Babies and strollers and snacks in bags and.. the airport. Why is this the part I remember the most out of almost a week long trip with my family? It was fun but so exhausting. I can’t even imagine having children and I’m always, always wondering how other people do it. I love them but I’m so thankful to give them back once my eyelids get heavy (or my patience wears thin). The kids loved the trip and I loved seeing them love it. Max repeated the words “fly like a bird in a plane” over and over again while Kawena peaked above the seats looking for me and calling my name in what she considers a whisper. Zoo’s and beach and alligator farms and beach…and more beach. Max was running into the water with Grandpa’s hand in his and he looked up and said “I’m happy, Grandpa!” I’ve never seen a kid get so beat up by waves but he would just rub his red eyes and giggle telling me “you can’t get me Jackie!”

Matt came for a day which wasn’t long enough but still nice. The kids like him. My brother likes him. My dad likes him. Apparently the alligator’s like him too!

I got home on the 24th and set out for Jamaica on the 27th. I know this is expected to hear but it was so beautiful. The people, the accent, the water, the sound and mostly … not working. We stayed in our own little hut just a little bit from the water. Beach-side massages, melty daiquiri’s, sandy hair and colorful bikini’s.

Matt’s hurt arm didn’t prevent us from swimming because of this amazing invention that looks remotely like an arm condom. It was almost as if the cast wasn’t even there! Sort of. We snorkled, nonetheless.

It was plenty of time to just be together without phones or internet or a channel that would keep it’s signal. We spent time talking to the local folks, copying our friendly British neighbor’s accents and eating more than we were hungry for. Oh, and I spent time taking pictures..

…..of things I guess I wanted to remember.

Waiting Room

So we almost made it….

Well, we still made it but there’s a glitch. I hate seeing the people I love in pain and I hate knowing that someone is responsible for it. I want to fix it or at least make someone pay so I can feel better but I know what’s most important is that I just focus on showing him that I know it’s my job to take care of him.

Matt had surgery on his hand yesterday and it seemed to go very well. He’s in a lot of pain and didn’t sleep through the night but my hope is that, in a week, he’ll be feeling loads better and ready to at least enjoy the view in Jamaica. It’s not going to be the waterfall-climbing, glass-bottom-boating, water- skiing trip that we’d originally planned but at least I know we can still drink a pina colada with only one hand. He’ll be okay.

I’ve learned a lot about us this past week. It’s surprising how something like this can sort of highlight and bring to light the growth between us. We’re sitting in the jeep in the NBC parking lot with out mouths full of McDonald’s and he looks at me and says “babe..this means more to me than any special date we could ever go on”.  He wants to make it look like he’s okay so that I don’t feel bad for him or so that I don’t get angry about the situation. Even on morphine and going on no sleep, he’s thinking of me. He tells me he’s lucky but I know I’m the lucky one when I get flowers just for doing what I’m supposed to do…

(Maybe I should’ve snapped a shot the day I got them : )

My Godson

I’m so honored and flattered (and suprised) to announce that I’m the Godmother of an amazing friend’s new baby boy, Douglas Thomas Sibert. Shannon and I became friends in 1st grade and have never been out of touch since. She’s the friend I’ve had the longest and among the people I think about first when important things happen. I am so proud of who she’s become, who she’s married and how she’s raised her daughter, Emily. It’s a great family and I couldn’t have planned her life better for her if I tried.

I meet the little one next Sunday and see Shannon for the first time in almost 2 years. I can’t wait to see how Emily has changed and hug the family that’s always been there for me…

I know I’m not the perfect role model and I know I’ve lost touch with my catholic background, but I’m confident that the values Shannon and I share go beyond what can be learned in a sermon… or maybe I’m just justifying her decision. Either way, I’m happy

Sister holds her new baby brother

Conference Call

Saturday comes our chat with Dad. Our plans to buy.. to invest. Our plans to marry. His plan to ask…

Saturday comes me, my dad and my future husband coming together to figure it all out. I never thought I’d be here so quickly. I can’t stop thinking about it, dreaming about it… I can’t stop wishing mom were here to see me!

Last weekend was the first time I could see our two families meshed together and the first time I actually stopped to think about what was happening and how natural it felt. Matt’s second cousin’s calling dibs on my hand while my baby niece puts her cookie covered hands all over Matt’s arms. My dad beside Matt and my brother in front of me. It was really, really great…

Can’t Wait…

Until this weekend.

It starts in 2 hours.. possibly less. Tonight is a night out in my favorite city with my favorite man followed by a full (as in ENTIRE) day of nothing planned. After sleeping until at least 9:30am, I plan on a roller blade by the water and am hoping to remember why I love my life so much. Saturday is suburb day. We head to Morengo, Illinois where my Aunt Mary Anne lives and is hosting a bbq to celebrate my cousin’s high school graduation. Even Dad is flying in! For the first time in two years, my brother and Lisa will leave the babies with a sitter and come have a few drinks with me, mine and mine’s cousin. Sunday is the chocolate festival… quite possibly (and shamefully) what I am MOST excited about. My brother, my Dad, my nephew and my boyfriend (the best boys in the world) and, of course the two smallest, most beautiful girls in my life. I can’t wait to see chocolate smiles.

I can’t wait to be away from this building. I’m so so SO exhausted. Weekends like this make 65 hour work weeks feel worth it….

almost. 

1,460 Days

Her “L’s” sound like “W’s” and her “why’s” non-stop

She’s got gold in her hair but asks for coal because it looks more like her aunt’s

She loves me the right kind of way and I love her the hurting kind

… celebrating 4 years of happiness, appreciation and joy.

(To my precious Niece with love).

:)

I’m actually struggling with something to write though so much has happened!

I’m a very happy girl right now. I’m the happiest I’ve been in so long. Other than congestion that keeps me awake and a cough that brings tears to my eyes, life is sort of how I feel it should be for me right now.

Work feels new and almost refreshing and isn’t nearly the awful comeback that I’ve been dreading. The kids are growing beautifully and learning words (even the bad ones) faster than I can keep up with on my monthly visits. “In love” sounds corny or over-used or so painfully dramatic that I haven’t ever actually used it until the last month. I don’t want to have to use it again but whatever words you can think of that go beyond the words you used in the past is how I’m feeling. It’s official… his apartment and my apartment are no longer…

We have our apartment now (as his text reminded me). My first our. I know it’s not everyone’s ideal but it’s mine and I’m thrilled

I’m also thrilled about the new lion that has recently made a home in this place I’ve spent the last 48 hours putting together. Pictures to come..

Thank you Brittany for driving to the city just to lift old furniture drawers and flimsy boxes up flights of stairs repeatedly and pretend that we both thought we’d be painting the whole time. What was even better than your help was our conversation. I don’t have a lot of you’s out there so it’s really, really refreshing…

almost as refreshing as buying a king size bag of peanut m&m’s and a 12 pack of MGD 64 and calling it “dinner”. 

…more to come.

Paradise

A book on a swing and a porch that’s made friends with a low laying sun

so I grab my strings and take my place and forget about my nails and the way they bend on boards

I haven’t washed my hair but that’s okay because my face is like hers and I can’t remember a photograph where she was anything less than beautiful

I used to sing about boys and dandelions and windows with cracks and the sad parts of the things and people that are gone.

Love upside-down

I’m not sure how this all happened.. backwards, I suppose. Rocky and unhealthy – built on shaky lies and thinly spread phone calls. He was another end, to be sure, and something time would befriend as it did the rest. I wasn’t looking for love or I wasn’t looking to be looking but shamefully and secretly hoping.

Walk away’s and slamming doors and end buttons before the last words can be heard..

I have my methods of avoidance and kept quiet or just repressed the things I wished or wanted. There is so much work involved in protecting a heart that knows what’s it’s like to be unprotected.

In a beginning with all the wrongs, I’ve somehow found myself in something right.

Sand and Snow

Just got back from the best trip ever. Everything (well, aside from the busiest airport day ever) was perfect…

I couldn’t be happier and not even slightly bothered by the fact that sand seems to be falling on everything I touch. Dry air and destroyed hair and a bruise with more colors than the California sunset. Thanksgiving dinner made up of strangers sharing dishes and stories in a toy-hauler surrounded by four wheelers and sand buggy’s. Shaky hands and repeated crashes has me finding love for a hobby I never thought I’d try before. The boy says “There’s no crying in  motocross” but is the first to jump off his bike when my fear of sharp right turns has me laying on the ground.

The trip was amazing. He was amazing.. and patient and loving and impressive. Pictures up tomorrow…